Today wasn't a good day! I never thought that being a wife of an addict would be this tough. Since I found out about Peter's problem, I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park. But this??? This is hell....

See, Peter is addicted to Codeine, for 6 years. Sounds silly, right? Believe me it isn't. I mean, my initial thought was what can a few sinus tablets really do? Till I found out that he was taking more than 80 tablets a day, and to wash it of, 2-3 bottles of kiddies pain syrup. Still, I didn't see the BIG picture. Just stop taking it! Surprise, surprise!!

If he didn't have his meds, he turned into another person. He would become aggressive and fighting fit. Nothing I seem to do or say, is right! He will say the most horrible things to me. I'm such a bad person, I don't care for the kids, I'm a bad mother, I have an affair, I have the mentally of an 8 year old. And then this morning - a useless bitch! By this time one would think that I would be used to his verbal abuse. But it hurts. Every time! He will come to apologize, say that he didn't mean it, that he will not say things like that again.... How stupid can one be to believe it!

I have read up on codeine. It's made from opium. Just like heroine. And has the same withdrawal symptoms. Once your addicted, you need to get professional help in order to rehabilitate. Easy! See a doctor, get a prescription, take 2 weeks of work (the medication puts you out), take the prescribed meds, and kick the habit. Shit. Wrong again. A few thousand rand and two weeks later, back to square one. You know what the ironic situation about this is? Doctors and pharmacist are so quick to take your money, but do they really take the time to help you. To follow up on the patient? To maybe be more supportive to those who live on the outside of there little addictive universe? Let me tell you, it's not fun to look how someone you love so much, just doesn't care about their lives.

My life started revolving around the little pink tablets. When he took it, he was in a good mood. When he didn't we'll have the most terrible fights. Today was one of those days. The dark days. Seriously, it feels like I'm nearing the edge of my patience. Every time he promises to make an effort to stop. Take less at a time, or just to fall asleep. I'm sure that if you know someone addicted to anything, you would know these type of excuses.

I need to get this out of my system. To put it down in black and white and to share it with those who carry this inside them. Those "victims" of addicts. I will blog and blog, until I reached someone out there that feels the same. That doesn't know what do either, or just need help....